Since I was a child I have believed that ...
I'm not lovable
I'm not good enough
I have to achieve to prove my worth
I'm not good at anything
It goes without saying that this has had a huge impact on my life. But let's start from the beginning.
I grew up on the west coast of Finland in a family with two younger brothers. My parents were self-employed and did quite well economically.
As a child I looked up to my father. He seemed strong and confident, and I found it difficult to live up to his expectations. I thought I had to be someone else to get his approval and resented myself for being a shy and quite sensitive kid. I felt I had to abandon who I was, clearly not good enough, and turn myself into a person that he would accept.
Feelings of not being good enough have formed my life
These feelings of not being good enough have formed my life. Even as an adult I've been playing roles to fit in, at workplaces, in relationships etc. I have often felt lost, lonely and powerless. My severe burnout became the turning point that made me turn inwards to search for answers. Who am I and what do I want out of life?
I was afraid of taking risks in certain areas of life, which was is in one way comfortable and felt safe, but at the same it held me back. I felt an emptiness inside me and an inner longing to experience something else, to feel alive. I guess my passion for off-road motorcycle riding was my thing, making me feel most alive as I was pushing myself to the limit. Speed and danger made me present which quieted my mind from negative self talk. I still love to ride a motorcycle but it's not an escape anymore.
I also based my self-worth in material possessions and titles. Today, I really don’t care. Some things are nice to have but I don’t base my value on them.
The perfect life?
From an outside perspective I guess my life looked perfect but inside I had a turmoil of different unpleasant feelings, and often felt stressed and anxious. 2012 was the turning point when I had to go on a longer sick leave. For a number of years I had pushed myself way too hard, in all areas of life and the famous wall was a fact.
Actually, up until today my life has been a rollercoaster with many painful events. This has forced me to find tools for my inner engineering. There are still things to work on and recent challenges have pulled me back to the drawing board, to look within. Today I can objectively look at it as it is, without judgement, and start working – it is a lifelong commitment.
I found help using RTT
After years of trying different self help approaches, in 2020 I found a course on Mind Valley called "I am Enough", with the well-known therapist Marisa Peer. One month later I enrolled to become a therapist myself. Since then, things have started to move towards where I want to be. I have found my purpose and have a strong belief in myself and my capabilities. I really like who I have become, most days anyway.
After two years with RTT®, I can hardly recognize my old self anymore. It has helped me to become more confident, gain much better self-esteem and find direction and meaning in my life, which were things my old life was lacking. Today I am comfortable and excited about stepping into the unknown, it simply empowers me! I have also realized on a deeper level that the story I have told myself, the one i shared with you, is just a story. Which means I can tell myself a better story, a story that empowers me, and so can you!
"On some levels it’s like I am a totally different person. Or maybe on my way to become the person I was meant to be."
Photographer: Anita Snellman
Helping others discover their potential
My life experiences and RTT® has opened up a new world to me. Today I see my hardships as blessings because they give me a deeper understanding for others. I can understand where you are coming from and what you are going through, and I have found that my purpose is help you to discover your full potential. That is why, in 2022
I started my own business to be able to help others as an EFT coach and RTT® therapist!